In Search of Perpetual Pleasure

I'm in Search of something that will change my life. And I do not mean my financial fortunes, I mean my life. There is no part of my life that steadily leaks a sweetness to the rest of it. Whatever sweetness it is I experience is momentary. After each moment, very quickly, the feeling and taste progresses like in the mouth after candy, or fried rice and chicken. You know how this gets worse if the mouth isn't cleaned in due time. I'll go brush my teeth now.

I think it is already clear, but still important to state, that I am not in search of a purpose or meaning. In other places I have made known my thoughts on meaning and purpose (of life) and it is safe to say that I do not hold them in high regard. What I am seeking, to put it roughly, is pleasure. The word is wrong, oh, I detest this. It is either there are not enough words or I don't know enough words. There is a book (and website) called ‘The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows’ by John Koenig, I think. I haven't gone through most of the words in the dictionary but I have a feeling the word I need is not in those covers. After all it is a garden of words coined to label ‘obscure sorrows’.

The pleasure I seek is not (restricted to) bodily or sensual. The embrace of another body is divine but like with drinks, pills, needles, scrolls, laughter, asmr and earlier mentioned candy (or jollof rice and fish and plantain), the sweetness it provides is passing, ephemeral. The word ephemeral suggests a great beauty about whatever it describes, to me at least. I'm aware that my education is not near among the best and I might have wrong ideas about words.

Life is riddled with distractions. Nothing is inherently a distraction; anything that engages you when it is not what you want or what you should be doing, as concluded by yourself and/or others, is a distraction. I was distracted from writing whatever this is by the thoughts of what I would do with it after, and also what it would do for me after that.

Before the distraction I was going to say, write something about chewing gum or meat for too long, in relation to what I have said about sweetness in (my) life. However, now I do not think it is necessary and I think I may have already expressed that idea clearly enough. This is a demonstration of how our perception, needs (other things I have an inability to mention now) change over time. Time is only a result of motion, if you ask me, so time passes because our perceptions, needs are in motion, motion is change. The time topic will need its own foolscap sheet. Back to my search.

I'm in search of pleasure in the mind (of which the body is part of–another foolscap sheet). Perpetual pleasure of/in the mind. Did I hear a “lol, impossible”? That would be coming from a closed mind. An open mind would ask “How do you (plan to) go about this search for perpetual pleasure”. I'm hungry. Other minds might ask “Are you sure you're not in search of Nirvana and a bit confused about it?”.

I'm not in search of Nirvana, I desire pleasure at every moment in my mind. It is different from ultimate peace with my state of being and a lack of desire.

About my plan, I have no plan. I have no plan to reach Perpetual Pleasure. And if there must be a plan, I'll go with the route if just living, fucking around and finding out. Live, Experience, Create, Urge, Die. Maybe, just maybe, before I die, I'll find Perpetual Pleasure. Is that any different from what everyone else is doing? Isn't it? I don't know, you should answer that. 

Now, ‘Experience, Create, Urge’ requires what I would like to call mobility. Mobility is dependant, directly and not inversely, on finances. To change my life, to continue my search, I might just need my financial fortunes to change.